1. |
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When my time machine sent me to the medieval ages
I thought I would become a king
Instead my 21st century technology betrayed me
And a heretic - a mere peasant I became
I wed an ugly wench and bore ten uglier children
Condemned to live in a hovel of muck with my brood
Every day I carry gruel across this accursed weald
For my useless cellphone can't Uber eats us food
How could this happen - from riches to rags?
Why did I choose to travel to the past?
How could my life have become even worse?
Inventing that machine was my own curse
And then one day appearing out behind a gnarled oak tree
A raving wizard vomiting on his hands and casting spells toward me
My stomach on fire, screaming in pain
As if a vengeful wraith now churns in my intestines
My bowels burning, I start puking in muffled grunts
That conjurerer of cheap tricks has hexed my guts!
Kneeling in the filth I watch him run away
That sorcerer cackling to himself in childish glee
As my hands scoop up the mush back in the buckets
I sigh and think about my feudal prison and haggard family
How could this happen - from riches to rags?
Why did I choose to travel to the past?
As I stoop here in my own puke blood and grime
I feel as though I've been cursed through time
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2. |
Corpse Crasher
02:25
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Hands grip the wheel
Hear the engine roar
Ready to kill
Corpse Crasher
Ramming flesh into steel
Chunks flying through the air
Dirt mixing with blood
Corpse Crasher
Ramming flesh into steel
Corpse crasher
Driving to destroy
Nothing left except the crowd
I set my aim
They start to run
Annihilation
All are dead inside
Time to hit the streets
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3. |
The Thickening
05:57
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I feel it growing, building up inside
Amassing and warping my bones from within
I sense it altering, a change in my biochemistry
Forcing a growth in height, weight and skin
Bloating horror
My self engorged
Ever expanding
The thickening
I know I'm swelling to a size unseen before
Immeasurable mass, unweighable being
I sense them staring, in awe at my girth
All the world's greatest experts unable to bill my stats
Bloating horror
My self engorged
Ever expanding
The thickening
I've grown beyond
The realms of possibility
My distended size neverending
A constant embiggening
Into the stratosphere
My goliath body rises
My sheer volume
Blacking out the sky
I have grown to an orbital stature
My vastness no longer constrained to this world
I sense it ending, the astral limits reached
And with a scream I feel my flesh rend and insides unfurl
Bloating horror
My self engorged
Ever expanding
The thickening
Exploding ichor
An eclipse of guts
Ozone of gore
The thickening
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4. |
The Furnace Watcher
03:31
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Staring at the flames
His eyes glisten
The sound gives him chills
What should go in next?
My family
To the flame
Asphyxiate the children
prepare incineration
Tie up my wife
Make her watch the glory
Time to throw her in the flames
Charred skin
Horrendous cry
Eternal Bliss
The furnace watcher
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5. |
UWF
04:59
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Gathering by the derelict warehouse
The drunken mob begin to shuffle in
They search for their spots among the foldout chairs
Guided by the flickering light above the ring
Shackled and collared concession ghouls
Wander aimlessly between the restless crowd
Following their shouts and their demands
They hand out free wet hotdogs, Bristol boards and warm beer
Feasting
Guzzling
Awaiting
It’s the Undead Wrestling Federation
And then booming out from the PA
The announcer calls out the undead wrestlers
Billing stats above and beyond reasonableness
The crowd stand and start to shout in delight
As the lights go dim the entrance music blares
Each bursting from the darkness lighted by the pyrotechnics
Clad in tassels, wrestling boots and gimmicked leotards
The rotting bodies dash into the squared circle
Yelling
Cheering
Calling
It’s the Undead Wrestling Federation
Screaming
Chanting
Booing
It’s the Undead Wrestling Federation
They stumble toward the center of the ring
And size each other’s rotting body up
Cries of pain and struggle ensue
As broken fingers entwine in tests of strength
The carrion guest ref rings the rusty bell
The jeering crowd watch in restless wild awe
As the zombie wrestlers begin to sell
Lariats, figure four leglocks and flying closelines
Moaning
Wailing
Shambling
It’s the Undead Wrestling Federation
Bleeding
Amputating
Decomposing
It’s the Undead Wrestling Federation
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6. |
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Old and tired
He trapes the elms
Looking for a gut
To bestow a hex upon
The sight of puke
Euphoric
The sound of retching
The smell of bile
As the night grows longer
He hears a sound
A pathetic Shrill
In the distance
He sees the one
Weak and frail
Summon the bowel wraith
Vomit
Forever
Hexed
Forever
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Pukewraith Toronto, Ontario
Vomitous Toronto Death Metal from B. Dean (Gutvoid, Fumes)
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